Why Do Adult Sons Turn on Their Mothers? Understanding the Complex Dynamics

Why Do Adult Sons Turn on Their Mothers? Understanding the Complex Dynamics

It can be a deeply painful and perplexing experience for a mother when her adult son, whom she has loved and nurtured her entire life, suddenly seems to turn against her. This isn't a common occurrence, but when it happens, the emotional fallout can be significant, leaving mothers bewildered and heartbroken. So, why do adult sons turn on their mothers? The reasons are multifaceted and often deeply rooted in complex psychological and relational dynamics that unfold over years, even decades. It's rarely a sudden explosion of anger out of nowhere; rather, it's often a culmination of unmet needs, shifting life stages, and evolving perceptions.

I recall a conversation with a dear friend, Sarah, whose son, Mark, a successful architect in his late thirties, had become increasingly distant and, at times, openly critical. Sarah was devastated. She had always prided herself on her close relationship with Mark, offering unwavering support through his childhood and young adulthood. Suddenly, he was snapping at her, dismissing her advice, and making passive-aggressive comments that stung more than any outright argument. "I just don't understand," she'd lamented, tears welling up. "I thought we were so close. What did I do wrong?" Her question echoed the sentiment of so many mothers grappling with this painful shift. It's this raw emotion, this gnawing question of "what went wrong?" that drives so many to seek answers.

The truth is, there's no single, simple answer. The transition from a child dependent on their mother to an independent adult is a monumental one, for both the son and the mother. While many sons maintain warm, evolving relationships with their mothers, for some, this transition can lead to friction, resentment, and even outright conflict. Understanding these dynamics requires looking beyond superficial blame and delving into the psychological underpinnings of family relationships, particularly the mother-son bond.

The Shifting Landscape of Independence and Identity

One of the primary drivers behind why adult sons might seemingly "turn on" their mothers is the fundamental shift in their identity and the assertion of independence. As men mature into adulthood, they are tasked with forging their own identities, separate from their familial origins. This process is crucial for their psychological development and their ability to function as autonomous individuals. Sometimes, the most potent way a son can assert this independence is by creating emotional or psychological distance from the person who has been their primary caregiver and most significant influence for their entire lives: their mother.

For many mothers, their identity has been intertwined with their role as a caregiver. While this is a beautiful and vital role, it can sometimes lead to a sense of loss or anxiety when the "child" no longer needs them in the same way. For the son, this assertion of independence can manifest in several ways:

Rejecting Advice: Even when well-intentioned, a mother's advice might be perceived as an attempt to control or infantilize. A son seeking to prove his competence might actively push back against any perceived guidance. Challenging Opinions: He might begin to question or dismiss his mother's viewpoints, not necessarily out of malice, but as a way to establish his own distinct perspective. Creating Boundaries: This can involve setting stricter limits on phone calls, visits, or the sharing of personal information. While healthy boundaries are essential, if enforced abruptly or perceived as harsh, they can feel like a rejection. Emotional Detachment: He might become less emotionally available, less eager to share his life details, or less responsive to his mother's emotional needs. This can be a defense mechanism to maintain his newfound autonomy.

I’ve observed this in my own extended family. My cousin David, after getting married and starting his own family, began to limit his mother’s involvement in his day-to-day life. It wasn't that he didn't love her; he was simply trying to establish his own household and his own authority within it. His mother, who had always been very hands-on, found this difficult to accept and interpreted his actions as a sign of disinterest, leading to tension. The key here is that David’s actions, while stemming from a natural developmental stage, were perceived negatively because the transition wasn't managed with open communication and mutual understanding.

Unresolved Childhood Issues and Past Hurts

It's also crucial to acknowledge that the dynamics between adult sons and their mothers aren't always born solely out of the present. Past experiences, unresolved childhood issues, and lingering resentments can resurface and significantly influence current interactions. Children, even as adults, can carry the emotional baggage of their upbringing, and their relationships with their parents are often the primary stage where these unresolved issues play out.

Here are some common historical factors that can contribute:

Perceived Favoritism: If a son felt he was consistently overlooked in favor of siblings, or that his efforts were never quite good enough compared to others, these feelings of inadequacy might fester and erupt later in life. Overbearing or Controlling Parenting: While well-intentioned, a mother who was overly controlling or micromanaged her son's life during his formative years might find that as he matures, he rebels against this ingrained sense of being managed. This rebellion can sometimes manifest as anger or a complete withdrawal. Lack of Emotional Validation: If a son's feelings or experiences were frequently dismissed or invalidated during his childhood, he might struggle to connect emotionally as an adult and may express his frustration through criticism or anger towards the person he feels never understood him. Unrealistic Expectations: Mothers can sometimes project their own unmet dreams or expectations onto their sons. If a son feels he is constantly failing to live up to these expectations, it can lead to immense pressure and, eventually, resentment. Boundary Violations: Even subtle boundary violations during childhood—like going through a son's belongings, sharing private information, or forcing him into situations he was uncomfortable with—can create a deep-seated sense of mistrust and resentment that can surface later.

Consider the case of Michael, whose mother had a tendency to "help" him by making decisions for him, even into his twenties. When Michael tried to assert his autonomy by making a significant career change his mother disapproved of, he found himself lashing out with pent-up frustration. He felt his mother had never truly respected his choices and was always trying to steer him down a path she preferred. His outburst wasn't just about the career change; it was a release of years of feeling unheard and controlled.

The Influence of Romantic Relationships and Partnerships

The introduction of a romantic partner into a son's life often marks a significant turning point in the mother-son relationship. The son’s primary loyalty can begin to shift, and his partner may become a crucial confidante and source of emotional support. This can create new dynamics, and sometimes, friction.

Here's how partnerships can play a role:

The "Wife Factor": This is a common, though often sensitive, topic. A son's wife or girlfriend might influence his perceptions of his mother, especially if there are existing tensions or if the mother is perceived as being too intrusive. The son might feel caught in the middle and, to appease his partner or maintain peace in his new primary relationship, might distance himself from his mother or adopt his partner's criticisms. Establishing a New Family Unit: A son is building his own family, and his primary allegiance now lies with his spouse and children. This requires him to create distinct boundaries from his family of origin, which can sometimes inadvertently create distance from his mother. Differing Expectations: A son's partner might have different cultural expectations or personal experiences regarding family dynamics, which can shape the son's own views and create a clash with his mother's established traditions or expectations. Perceived Interference: If a son's partner feels his mother is overstepping her bounds—offering unsolicited advice on parenting, finances, or household matters—the son might feel compelled to defend his partner and assert boundaries with his mother, which can be misinterpreted as him "turning on" her.

In Sarah's case, her son Mark's fiancée, Emily, played a subtle role. Emily, from a family with very strict boundaries with parents, found Sarah's frequent calls and visits somewhat overwhelming. While Sarah saw it as caring, Emily perceived it as intrusive. Mark, eager to please Emily and establish his own domestic harmony, began to limit Sarah’s access, and in doing so, inadvertently reinforced Emily’s criticisms of Sarah’s involvement. Sarah felt caught in the crossfire, and her hurt feelings were often directed at Mark, who, in turn, felt defensive, creating a cycle of misunderstanding.

The Role of Parental Attachment Styles and Parenting Practices

Parenting styles and the nature of the attachment formed in early childhood can have a profound and lasting impact on the mother-son relationship well into adulthood. Secure attachment, characterized by a sense of trust and safety, typically fosters healthier relationships. However, insecure attachment styles, whether anxious or avoidant, can contribute to difficulties later on.

Let's explore these:

Anxious Attachment: A son with an anxious attachment style might fear abandonment and seek constant reassurance from his mother. As an adult, this can manifest as clinginess or an overwhelming need for validation. Conversely, if his mother isn't consistently available or responsive to his needs, he might develop resentment and express it through anger or accusations, feeling she isn't meeting his (often heightened) emotional demands. Avoidant Attachment: A son with an avoidant attachment style might have learned to suppress his needs and emotions as a child, perhaps due to a mother who was emotionally unavailable or dismissive. As an adult, he might actively push people away, including his mother, to maintain his independence and avoid perceived emotional vulnerability. This detachment can feel like rejection or a turning away. Enmeshment: This occurs when boundaries between parent and child are blurred, leading to an unhealthy interdependence. A son from an enmeshed relationship might struggle with his own identity and autonomy. When he tries to individuate, the mother might feel a sense of loss or panic, and the son might feel guilt or resentment for the emotional burden he perceives his departure places on her. This can lead to him acting out to create the necessary distance. Authoritative vs. Authoritarian Parenting: Authoritative parenting, which involves warmth, clear boundaries, and open communication, generally fosters healthier relationships. Authoritarian parenting, characterized by strict rules and punishment without much warmth, can lead to a son who either rebels fiercely or becomes overly compliant and fearful. The rebellion, when it finally surfaces, can be intense.

My own experience as a parent has made me acutely aware of how early interactions shape future relationships. I’ve seen friends who, as children, had mothers who were constantly critical or overly perfectionistic. As adults, these sons often exhibit a deep-seated need to prove their worth, and sometimes, this can manifest as a defensive posture or even outright criticism towards their mothers, as if trying to break free from the ingrained negative self-perception.

The Impact of Life Transitions and Stressors

Major life transitions and significant stressors can act as catalysts, bringing underlying tensions in the mother-son relationship to the surface. When individuals are under pressure, their coping mechanisms can falter, and old patterns of behavior may re-emerge.

Key transitions and stressors include:

Marriage and Parenthood: As mentioned earlier, the formation of a new family unit is a major transition. The son is navigating new roles and responsibilities, and his focus shifts. Career Challenges: Job loss, significant career changes, or financial difficulties can lead to increased stress and a potential return to familiar support systems—or a desire to distance oneself from perceived pressures. Divorce or Relationship Breakups: Experiencing a divorce can be a highly emotional time, and a son might seek comfort from his mother. However, if the mother offers unsolicited advice or judgment, it can lead to conflict. Health Issues: Dealing with personal health problems or the illness of a spouse can be overwhelming. The son might need his mother's support but also feel a profound need to protect his own space and privacy. Aging Parents: As mothers age, the roles can begin to reverse, with sons potentially taking on more caregiving responsibilities or offering support. This role reversal can be challenging and can bring to the surface any unresolved issues from their past.

Consider a scenario where a son is going through a difficult divorce. He might turn to his mother for support. If his mother, out of concern, starts criticizing his ex-spouse or offering advice on how he should handle the situation, he might feel his boundaries are being crossed. This could lead to an outburst where he accuses her of never understanding him or always interfering, effectively "turning on" her in his moment of distress.

Communication Breakdown and Misinterpretation

At the heart of many strained relationships lies a breakdown in communication. What one person intends to convey can be vastly different from how it is received, leading to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and escalating conflict.

Factors contributing to communication breakdown:

Assumptions: Both mothers and sons can fall into the trap of making assumptions about each other's intentions or feelings, without actually discussing them. Unspoken Expectations: Unmet expectations, if not communicated, can breed resentment. A mother might expect her son to call weekly, while he believes a monthly call is sufficient. Neither vocalizes their needs, leading to disappointment. Defensiveness: When communication attempts are met with defensiveness, it’s hard to move forward. If a mother expresses concern about her son’s lifestyle, and he immediately shuts down or attacks her, the conversation ends before it can even begin. Different Communication Styles: Men and women, and indeed individuals from different backgrounds, often have distinct communication styles. A direct, problem-solving approach might be perceived as harsh by someone who prefers a more nurturing, empathetic style. Lack of Active Listening: Truly hearing what the other person is saying, without interrupting or formulating a response in your head, is crucial. When active listening is absent, misunderstandings are almost guaranteed.

Sarah’s situation with Mark exemplifies this. Sarah’s calls were her way of expressing love and staying connected. She genuinely believed she was being a supportive mother. Mark, however, particularly as he navigated his relationship with Emily and the pressures of his career, began to perceive these calls as intrusive interruptions. He wasn't effectively communicating his need for space, and Sarah wasn't effectively hearing his subtle cues, leading to misinterpretations that escalated into friction.

The Natural Process of Individuation

The process of individuation is a lifelong journey, but it’s particularly potent during young adulthood. It’s the psychological separation from the family unit and the development of a distinct sense of self. For sons, this often involves creating distance from their mothers as they establish their own identities, relationships, and life paths.

Key aspects of individuation:

Emotional Separation: Moving from an emotional dependence on the mother to relying on oneself and one's own chosen support systems. Physical Separation: Moving out of the family home, establishing an independent residence. Psychological Separation: Developing one's own values, beliefs, and life goals, which may differ from those of the mother. Functional Separation: Being able to manage one's own life—finances, career, relationships—without constant parental guidance.

Sometimes, the act of individuation can appear, from the mother's perspective, as a rejection or a turning away. The son might distance himself, stop sharing intimate details, or even deliberately act in ways that are contrary to his mother's wishes, simply to assert his separateness. This isn't necessarily about the mother being "bad"; it's a necessary developmental stage for the son.

For example, a son who has always followed his mother's career advice might suddenly decide to pursue a passion that his mother views as impractical or risky. His pursuit of this path, despite his mother's concerns, is a powerful act of individuation. If his mother expresses her worries strongly, or if he feels she isn't supportive of his independent choice, he might react defensively, creating conflict.

How Mothers Can Navigate These Difficulties

Recognizing that this shift is often a part of a natural, albeit challenging, developmental process is the first step for mothers. It doesn't make the hurt any less real, but it can shift the perspective from personal rejection to a broader understanding of familial dynamics.

Here are some strategies for navigating these challenging times:

1. Self-Reflection and Understanding

Before reacting, take time for introspection. Consider your own role in the relationship. Have there been patterns of over-involvement? Have you struggled to let go? Are there unresolved issues from his childhood that might be resurfacing?

Checklist for Self-Reflection:

What are my expectations of my adult son? Do my expectations align with his current stage of life? Have I been overly critical or controlling in the past? Do I tend to take his actions personally? Am I able to acknowledge his independence and autonomy? Are my attempts to help perceived as helpful or intrusive? 2. Open and Honest Communication (When Possible)

If the relationship allows, try to initiate calm, non-accusatory conversations. Focus on "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming him. For instance, instead of saying, "You never call me," try, "I feel a little disconnected when we don't talk for a while, and I miss hearing about your life."

Tips for Communication:

Choose a calm, neutral time and place. Listen more than you speak. Avoid bringing up past grievances unless directly relevant and handled with care. Be prepared for his perspective, even if it's difficult to hear. Focus on understanding his needs and boundaries. 3. Respecting Boundaries

This is perhaps the most critical element. As sons mature, they need to establish their own boundaries. Learning to recognize and respect these boundaries, even if they feel limiting, is essential for maintaining any semblance of a positive relationship. This might mean:

Accepting fewer phone calls or visits. Not offering unsolicited advice, especially on topics where he is clearly capable of managing himself. Not sharing personal information about his life with others without his consent. Allowing him to make his own decisions, even if you disagree with them. 4. Shifting Your Own Identity and Focus

If your identity has been heavily tied to being a mother, this transition can be particularly challenging. Find fulfillment in other areas of your life—hobbies, friendships, personal growth, or even new career pursuits. This can help reduce the pressure you might inadvertently place on your son to fulfill your emotional needs.

5. Seek Support for Yourself

You don't have to navigate this alone. Talking to friends, family members, or a therapist can provide invaluable support and perspective. A therapist can help you process your emotions, understand the dynamics at play, and develop healthy coping strategies.

6. Understanding His Perspective (Empathy)**

Try to put yourself in his shoes. What pressures might he be under? What are his goals and aspirations? How might your actions be perceived from his viewpoint, especially considering his partner, career, and his own journey toward independence?

Questions to Ask Yourself to Foster Empathy:

What does his life look like now? What are his priorities? How might my involvement impact his stress levels or his relationships? What does he need from me that he isn't getting, and what might he not want from me? 7. Fostering Healthy Independence

Instead of clinging or trying to control, model healthy independence. Show him that you have a fulfilling life of your own. This can paradoxically encourage him to feel more secure in his own independence and potentially foster a more balanced relationship.

When It Feels Like a Permanent Rift: Advanced Considerations

In some unfortunate cases, the "turning on" a mother experiences can feel like a permanent, deep-seated animosity. This is often the result of more profound, unresolved issues that have been simmering for years.

When exploring these deeper issues, it's important to consider:

Narcissistic Traits: In some instances, a son might exhibit traits associated with narcissism, where there's a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. This can lead to highly manipulative and damaging relationships with family members, including mothers. A son with narcissistic tendencies might exploit, criticize, or devalue his mother to maintain a sense of superiority. Deep-Seated Trauma: Childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect can leave lasting psychological scars. If a son experienced such trauma in relation to his mother, his adult anger might be a delayed and unprocessed reaction to those experiences. This is a complex area that often requires professional intervention. Personality Disorders: Certain personality disorders can significantly impact relational dynamics. If a son has been diagnosed with or exhibits traits of disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder, the mother-son relationship can be highly volatile and characterized by intense conflict. Generational Trauma: Sometimes, unhealthy patterns of behavior are passed down through generations. A son might be unknowingly repeating patterns he witnessed or experienced in his own family's history.

In these more severe situations, the "turning on" isn't just about asserting independence; it's about a profound disconnect rooted in significant psychological distress. For mothers in such circumstances, the focus must shift from trying to mend the relationship to protecting their own well-being.

Steps for Mothers Facing Severe Rifts:

Prioritize Your Mental and Emotional Health: Seek professional help from a therapist specializing in family dynamics and trauma. Establish Strict Boundaries: This may involve limited or no contact. Your safety and peace of mind are paramount. Seek Legal Counsel if Necessary: In extreme cases of manipulation or emotional abuse, legal advice might be required. Build a Strong Support Network: Rely on friends, other family members, or support groups. Acceptance (Not Approval): This is about accepting the reality of the situation and releasing the hope for a specific kind of relationship, which can be incredibly freeing, even if painful.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Why does my adult son only call me when he needs something?

This is a common and hurtful experience for many mothers. It often stems from a combination of factors related to his stage of life and the dynamics of your relationship. Firstly, as adult sons navigate their own lives, they may develop an unconscious tendency to view their parents, particularly their mothers, as a resource. This isn't necessarily malicious; it can be a carryover from childhood where parents were primary providers and problem-solvers. He might feel more comfortable asking for help from you than from friends or his partner because of the deep-seated trust and history you share.

Secondly, this behavior can sometimes be linked to how your relationship has been structured. If your interactions have historically been focused on you solving his problems or providing support, he may have learned that this is the primary mode of connection. It can also be a sign of his own emotional struggles; he might not have developed sufficient coping mechanisms to handle his own difficulties and thus defaults to seeking external help from his most trusted source. Finally, and this is a difficult point to consider, it could reflect a lack of reciprocity in the relationship. He may not be aware of the emotional toll it takes on you when contact is solely transactional, or he may struggle with expressing appreciation or initiating contact for purely social reasons.

To address this, you might consider subtly shifting the nature of your interactions. When he calls needing something, after providing the help, you could gently inquire about other aspects of his life. For example, "I'm happy to help with X. How have things been going with Y and Z? I’d love to hear about your work project." If he consistently deflects or only engages when he needs something, you might need to consider setting gentle boundaries for yourself, perhaps by limiting your availability for "favors" or by making it clear that you'd appreciate more balanced communication. However, it's also wise to consult with a therapist to explore whether deeper relational patterns or his own unmet needs are at play.

My son is always critical of me. Why do adult sons become critical of their mothers?

Criticism from an adult son can be incredibly painful, especially when it feels unwarranted or is delivered harshly. This behavior is rarely about a mother's inherent flaws; rather, it often points to the son's own internal struggles or his perception of the relationship. One significant reason is the assertion of independence and individuation. As sons mature, they need to establish their own identities, which can involve differentiating themselves from their parents. Sometimes, this differentiation is expressed through critique, as a way to reject parental influence and validate their own burgeoning autonomy. He might be subconsciously trying to prove that he is different from you or that he has surpassed you in some way.

Another common cause is the projection of his own insecurities or unresolved issues. If he's feeling inadequate in his own life—career, relationships, or finances—he might deflect these feelings by focusing on perceived flaws in his mother. It’s a defense mechanism to shift attention away from his own shortcomings. Past hurts or unresolved childhood grievances can also surface. If he felt misunderstood, invalidated, or unfairly treated during his upbringing, these feelings can manifest as ongoing criticism in adulthood. He might be seeking validation that he never received, or attempting to rewrite the narrative of his childhood by highlighting your perceived failings.

Furthermore, the influence of his partner or other relationships can play a role. If his significant other expresses negative opinions about you or your involvement, he might internalize those criticisms and repeat them. He might also be trying to manage competing loyalties or seeking approval from his partner. Finally, communication styles can be a factor. What he perceives as constructive feedback might come across as harsh criticism to you, especially if his communication style is direct and less nuanced than yours. Understanding these underlying reasons can be the first step towards addressing the criticism, although it doesn't excuse hurtful behavior.

My son has cut off contact with me. Why do adult sons cut off their mothers?

Cutting off contact, often referred to as estrangement, is one of the most devastating experiences a mother can endure. It is almost always a last resort for the son, indicating a level of distress or perceived damage that he feels cannot be resolved through any other means. The reasons for such a drastic action are usually deep-seated and complex, often involving a long history of unresolved issues rather than a single incident. A primary driver can be a perceived pattern of abuse, neglect, or significant emotional harm. This might include verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, a lack of boundaries that led to severe discomfort or violation, or a history of being consistently misunderstood and invalidated.

For some sons, the relationship might have become so toxic or damaging to their mental health that they feel cutting ties is the only way to protect themselves and foster their own well-being. This is especially true if there's a history of enmeshment, where the mother-son bond was so tight that the son struggled to develop his own identity and autonomy, and the only way to individuate was through a complete severance. The influence of a partner can also be a significant factor, particularly if the partner feels threatened by the mother-son relationship or if the son feels his primary loyalty must lie with his new family unit, leading him to make drastic choices to secure that relationship.

Furthermore, unresolved trauma from childhood, such as parental addiction, severe mental illness of the parent, or significant family conflict, can lead a son to seek distance as a coping mechanism. He may be trying to break free from a legacy of dysfunction. Sometimes, mental health conditions in the son himself—such as personality disorders or severe anxiety—can contribute to his inability to maintain relationships, leading to abrupt cutoffs. It is crucial to understand that estrangement is rarely a decision made lightly; it often signals profound pain and a desperate attempt to find peace or safety.

What if my son's behavior is due to his wife's influence? How do I handle that?

Navigating a situation where your son's wife appears to be a significant influence on his behavior towards you can be incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing. It’s a delicate balance, as directly confronting his wife or criticizing her is likely to backfire, alienating your son further. The key is to focus on your relationship with your son and to foster healthy communication and boundaries, without directly engaging in a conflict with his wife.

Firstly, try to understand your son's position. He might be caught between his loyalty to his wife and his relationship with you. He may feel pressured to appease her, or he might genuinely agree with her perspective due to her influence. Your goal should be to communicate with your son directly, focusing on your feelings and needs without blaming his wife. Use "I" statements: "I feel hurt when I don't hear from you for extended periods," or "I miss our conversations and would love to feel more connected." Frame your desire for connection around your own well-being and your love for him, rather than as a criticism of his marital relationship.

Secondly, respect the boundaries that your son and his wife establish as a couple. If they have decided on a certain frequency of visits or calls, try to adhere to it. While it might be difficult, demonstrating that you respect their autonomy as a unit can sometimes ease tensions. Avoid complaining about his wife to him, as this will likely put him on the defensive. Instead, focus on positive interactions when you do connect. If there are opportunities for you to interact with his wife in a neutral or positive context, such as family gatherings, try to be gracious and present yourself in the best possible light, focusing on shared interests or light conversation.

If the situation is particularly dire and you suspect manipulation or undue influence that is genuinely damaging your son's well-being or your relationship, professional guidance is highly recommended. A family therapist can help facilitate communication between you and your son, and explore the dynamics at play without assigning blame. Ultimately, while you cannot control his wife's influence, you can control your own actions, your communication, and your approach to maintaining a connection with your son. Your consistent, calm, and boundary-respecting approach is often the most effective long-term strategy.

The journey of understanding why adult sons might seem to turn on their mothers is complex, layered with psychology, life stages, and individual histories. It’s rarely a simple case of a "bad son" or a "bad mother." More often, it’s about evolving dynamics, unmet needs, and the sometimes painful process of individuation. For mothers, navigating this requires immense patience, self-reflection, and a willingness to adapt to new relational paradigms. While the hurt is undeniable, seeking understanding and focusing on healthy communication and boundaries can pave the way for a more peaceful, albeit different, mother-son relationship.